onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
