I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
