I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
