Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize