nut hugger
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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