Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
