It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
