me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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