is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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