and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
