it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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