i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
