oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
