She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
well you can't waste a boner
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
