Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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