biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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