I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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