he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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