So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
