SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
