I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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