NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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