At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
