I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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