So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
