I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
