So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
