They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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