Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize