Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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