hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
