Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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