Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
