If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
