I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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