His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
