we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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