he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
