I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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