And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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