I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
