when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
