I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
