lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
