i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
