i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
