Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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