he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
