I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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