I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
