Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize