if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
