i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So vagazzling was a success
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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