i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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