i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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