Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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