This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize