so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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