woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
