Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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