I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
