So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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